SCENE 1
CITIZENS OF OZ:
Good news!
She’s dead!
The Witch of the West is dead!
The wickedest Witch there ever was
The enemy of all of us here is Oz
Is dead!
Good news!
Good news!
SOMEONE IN THE CROWD:
Look! It’s Glinda!
GLINDA:
It’s good to see me, isn’t it? No need to respond--that was rhetorical. Fellow Ozians--
Let us be glad
Let us be grateful
Let us rejoicify that Goodness could subdue
The wicked workings of you-know-who
Isn’t it nice to know
That good will conquer evil?
The truth we all believe’ll by and by
Outlive a lie
For you and--
SOMEONE IN THE CROWD:
Glinda! Exactly how dead is she?
GLINDA:
Because there has been so much rumor and speculation--innuendo, outuendo--let me set the record straight: According to the Time Dragon Clock, The Melting occurred at the thirteenth hour, the direct result of a bucket of water thrown by a female child. Yes, the Wicked Witch of the West is dead.
SOMEONE ELSE IN THE CROWD:
No one mourns the wicked
ANOTHER PERSON:
No one cries: “They won’t return!”
CITIZENS OF OZ:
No one lays a lily on their grave
MAN:
The good man scorns the wicked!
WOMEN:
Through their lives, our children learn:
CITIZENS OF OZ:
What we miss
When we misbehave…
GLINDA:
And goodness knows
The wicked’s lives are lonely
Goodness knows
The wicked die alone
It just shows when you’re wicked
You’re left only
On your own…
CITIZENS OF OZ:
Yes, goodness knows
The wicked’s lives are lonely
Goodness knows
The wicked cry alone
Nothing grows for the wicked
They reap only
What they’ve sown…
GIRL IN THE CROWD:
Glinda, why does Wickedness happen?
GLINDA:
That’s a good question. One that many people find confusifying: Are people born Wicked? Or do they have Wickedness thrust upon them? After all, she had a childhood. She had a father…who just happened to be the Governor of Munchkinland…
WITCH’S FATHER:
I’m off to the Assembly, dear!
GLINDA:
And she had a mother. As so many do…
WITCH’S FATHER:
Oh…how I hate to go and leave you lonely
WITCH’S MOTHER:
That’s alright--it’s only just one night
WITCH’S FATHER:
But know that you’re here in my heart
While I’m out of your sight…
GLINDA:
And like every family--they had their secrets.
LOVER:
Have another drink, my dark-eyed beauty
I’ve got one more night left here in town
So have another drink of green elixir
And we’ll have ourselves a little mixer
Have another little swallow, little lady,
And follow me down…
GLINDA:
But, from the moment she was born she was…well, different.
WITCH’S MOTHER:
Agghhh!!
MIDWIFE:
It’s coming…
WITCH’S FATHER:
Now?
MIDWIFE:
The baby’s coming…
WITCH’S FATHER:
And how!
MIDWIFE:
I see a nose…
WITCH’S FATHER:
I see a curl…
WITCH’S FATHER AND MIDWIFE:
It’s a healthy perfect lovely little…
MIDWIFE:
Ohhhhh!
WITCH’S FATHER:
Sweet Oz!
WITCH’S MOTHER:
What is it? What’s Wrong?
MIDWIFE:
How can it be?
WITCH’S FATHER:
What does it mean?
MIDWIFE:
It’s atrocious!
WITCH’S FATHER:
It’s obscene!
WITCH’S FATHER AND MIDWIFE:
Like a froggy, ferny cabbage
The baby is unnaturally--
ALL:
Green!!
WITCH’S FATHER:
Take it away. Take it away…!
GLINDA:
So you see--it couldn’t have been easy!
CITIZENS OF OZ:
No one mourns the wicked
Now at last, she’s dead and gone
Now at last, there’s joy throughout the land
And Goodness knows
GLINDA:
Goodness knows…
CITIZENS OF OZ:
We know what goodness it
GLINDA:
Her life was lonely…
CITIZENS OF OZ:
Goodness knows…
GLINDA:
Goodness knows…
CITIZENS OF OZ:
The wicked die alone…
GLINDA:
She died alone…
CITIZENS OF OZ:
Woe to those
Who spurn what goodness is
They are shown
No one mourns the wicked…
GLINDA:
Good news!
CITIZENS OF OZ:
No one mourns the wicked!
GLINDA:
Good news!
CITIZENS OF OZ:
No one mourns the
Wicked!
Wicked!
ALL:
Wicked!
GLINDA:
Well, this has been fun. But as you can imagine, I have much to attend to, what with the Wizard’s unexpected departure. And so, if there are no
further questions--
PERSON IN THE CROWD:
Glinda! Its it true--you were her friend?!
GLINDA:
I…well…Yes. Well, it depends on what you mean by “friend“. I did know her, that is out paths did cross, at school. But you must understand, it was along time ago. And we were both very young…
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